Signals and Silence

Maggie Ellis

Hey everyone, welcome back to Being Disruptive! I’m Maggie Ellis, and I’m here with the one and only Darren Colby. Darren, you ready to talk about signals and silence today?

Darren Colby

Oh, absolutely, Maggie. I mean, I’ve been waiting all week to talk about how not checking my phone is apparently the new superpower in leadership. Who knew?

Maggie Ellis

Right? It’s wild how just putting your phone down can make you, like, instantly more trustworthy. But seriously, when you’re on the receiving end of a conversation, giving your full attention is huge. I used to think I could multitask—like, answer emails while someone was talking to me on the factory floor. Spoiler: I was not actually listening.

Darren Colby

Yeah, and people can tell, right? You think you’re being slick, but they see you glancing at your screen or, I dunno, typing away. It’s like, “Hey, am I talking to you or your inbox?”

Maggie Ellis

Exactly! There was this one time, early in my career, I was in this high-stakes meeting—machines were down, everyone was stressed. I was half-listening, half-texting my boss updates. And then someone asked me a question, and I had no idea what they’d just said. I felt like such a rookie. After that, I started just, you know, putting my phone away and letting people finish before I jumped in. It made a huge difference. People actually started coming to me with real problems, not just surface stuff.

Darren Colby

That’s the thing—letting people finish before you respond. It’s so basic, but it’s like, the foundation for collaboration. If you cut people off, they just shut down. Or worse, they start holding back the good ideas because they think you’re not really listening.

Maggie Ellis

Totally. And if you think you missed something, just ask them to repeat it or, like, paraphrase what you heard. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s actually respectful. I mean, unless you do it every five seconds, then maybe get your ears checked.

Darren Colby

Ha! Yeah, but seriously, it’s about being present. If you’re distracted, just say, “Hey, can we talk in ten minutes when I can give you my full attention?” That’s way better than pretending to listen and missing the point entirely.

Darren Colby

So, Maggie, let’s talk about the stuff people don’t say—the body language, the little signals. I mean, you ever notice how someone crossing their arms can mean, “I’m not buying this,” or maybe they’re just cold? It’s tricky.

Maggie Ellis

Oh, for sure. Or like, when someone’s tapping their fingers on the table? That’s impatience, right? Or maybe they just had too much coffee. But usually, it’s a sign they’re not really engaged or they want the meeting to end, like, yesterday.

Darren Colby

And don’t get me started on the eyebrow lift. That’s my favorite. It’s like, “Really? You expect me to believe that?” I’ve seen that one in so many project reviews.

Maggie Ellis

Yeah, and sometimes people rub their head when they’re puzzled, or they just look away, which can mean they don’t think what you’re saying is important. It’s all these little cues that, if you’re not paying attention, you totally miss what’s really going on.

Darren Colby

And then there’s written communication. I mean, email and Slack are like, a minefield. You ever send a message that you thought was totally neutral, and then someone reads it as, I dunno, super aggressive?

Maggie Ellis

Oh, all the time. I once sent a “Can we talk?” message and apparently that’s the universal sign for “You’re in trouble.” I just wanted to chat about lunch options!

Darren Colby

I had a Slack message blow up on me once. I wrote, “Let’s fix this ASAP.” I thought I was being proactive, but the team read it as me being demanding and, honestly, kind of a jerk. It almost derailed the whole project. I had to jump on a call and explain, “No, I’m not mad, I just want to help.” It’s so easy to misread tone when you can’t see someone’s face or hear their voice.

Maggie Ellis

Yeah, and sometimes the silence is the loudest signal. If someone stops replying or gets super short in their messages, that’s a sign something’s off. You gotta check in, not just assume everything’s fine.

Maggie Ellis

So, let’s get into feedback. This is where a lot of leaders trip up, right? If you focus on facts instead of feelings, people are way less likely to get defensive. Like, “Hey, the report was late,” instead of, “You’re always late.”

Darren Colby

Yeah, and it’s so easy to slip into arrogant or belittling language without realizing it. You might think you’re just being direct, but if you come across as demanding or blaming, you can lose trust in, like, seconds. And it takes months or years to build that back up.

Maggie Ellis

I’ve seen it happen. There was this leader at a plant I worked with—sent out a really harsh email after a production miss. It was all, “This can’t happen again, what’s wrong with you guys?” The team got defensive, morale tanked, and people started avoiding him. But to his credit, he realized he messed up. He called a meeting, apologized, and focused on what actually happened, not who to blame. It took a while, but people started trusting him again because he owned it and changed his approach.

Darren Colby

That’s the key—if you mess up, admit it and rebuild. And when you give feedback, stick to the facts, ask questions to make sure you understand, and don’t get emotional. It’s not about winning, it’s about helping everyone get better.

Maggie Ellis

And honestly, if you want people to listen to you, you gotta be the one they trust. That’s what cuts through all the noise—emails, texts, meetings. People listen to the leader they trust, not the one who shouts the loudest.

Darren Colby

Couldn’t have said it better. Well, that’s a wrap for today’s episode on signals and silence. Next time, we’ll dig into how to build connection and inclusion in teams—so, you know, more ways to be disruptive in a good way.

Maggie Ellis

Thanks for hanging out with us, everyone. Darren, always a pleasure. See you next time!

Darren Colby

Always, Maggie. Take care, folks. Don’t forget to listen—really listen—this week. Bye!